Summer in Mykonos, Some Are Not

Krakow is one of the most beautiful destinations in Europe attracting thousands of tourists each year to see its unique architectural style. Unfortunately, we were in Warsaw. The most redeeming characteristic of this city was that our hostel had a common room with couches and two American DVDs. I will now (for the sake of brevity) recount the first few days of our return to the European continent in a timeline…

Day 1 :

10 :00 AM : The Tunisian guy wearing cowboy boots in the bunk beneath me screams in Arabic on the phone while smoking a cigarette…I wake up.
11 :30 AM : Drew and I find the lounge area and DVD collection.
11 :31 AM – 6 PM : Sigourney Weaver is elegant but strong in ‘Aliens 2’ while Tom Hanks captures our hearts in ‘Philadelphia.’

Day 2 :

11 :30 AM : I contract lung cancer from the Tunisian guy…still smoking in bed
12 :45 PM : Return from lunch to find that Philadelphia has started again (viewing #2)
3 :00 PM : Leave to see the one square block of Warsaw that was not destroyed in WWII
4 :23 PM : Return to find that someone is watching Aliens 2…we saddle up (viewing #2)
8 :16 PM : Someone puts in Philadelphia again (viewing #3)…we start drinking
9 :14 PM : The Tunisian guy calls Drew George Bush’s son…Someone calls him Osama’s nephew…awkward silence…Tom Hanks still moves the audience.
11 :00 PM : We officially don’t experience any nightlife in Poland

Day 3 : (This was the day Drew had been waiting for…the day we would fly to Athens to meet his girlfriend. The scene I am about to describe belongs in a Nicholas Sparks novel.)

2 :30 PM : Our flight arrives in Athens…the excitement builds
2 :31 PM : I sit down to eat food…Drew nervously checks the flight schedule
3 :00 PM : Lauren’s flight lands on the runway in Athens.
3 :00.001 PM : Drew walks up to the customs door as if by some form of magic Lauren has teleported herself directly from the plane to customs.
3 :05 PM : Drew frowns…where could she be…I assure him that it is still logistically impossible that she is off the plane.
3 :12 PM : The most adorable scene I have ever witnessed ensues. After 12 agonizing minutes…the door slides open revealing the petite American blond in all her marvel. Drew is more excited than I was the day I discovered free-refills. They embrace…Their lips move closer together…I hum Sixpence None the Richer’s classic ‘Kiss Me.’ Sadly the only two witnesses were myself and a fat Greek taxi driver who had a serious staring problem. No matter…we were in Greece…soooo romantic…and I was happy to be the official third wheel. (end timeline)

Turns out Athens is not all that romantic, but it was our plan to leave for the island of Mykonos the following day where Drew had rented a wonderful two-person beachfront cabana. The first night, we stayed with our family friends Haley and Sophia who had already been in Athens for some time. The five of us walked to the Acropolis to watch the sunset and then sat down to sample the local cuisine. We turned in early, however, so we wouldn’t miss the 7 AM island ferry.

We were about halfway to the port when I discovered the friend I was planning on staying with was actually vacationing on another island…ie…I had no place to stay on an island that was completely booked…this took part of the enjoyment out of the ferry ride. As Drew and Lauren cuddled in the hot Greccian sun, I sat next to a transvestite couple and watched the baggage. (The topic of transvestites will be revisited.)

After 6 hours of motoring, we docked at the port of Mykonos which was an experience in itself. The port city is comprised of homes only built in a blue and white color scheme. The water is the same color blue and clearer than any other place we had been. Drew and Lauren quickly found the van to their resort and I followed hoping no one would question me as to whether or not I had a reservation.

The resort was on Paradise Beach…probably the most trendy spot on the island. The only opening left was camping space next to Drew and Lauren’s cabana so I rented it for 10 euro a night. This was probably the first time in history someone has had to lie about having proper camping equipment. Nonetheless, we refused to dwell on the negative and walked down to the beach.

Not sure how I slipped through the screening process but I am almost certain I was the only guy on the beach that had both body fat and chest hair…this area was full of Europe’s most beautiful people with a white-sand blue water backdrop. If you have never been surrounded by topless women and manorrhexic guys with well oiled tans…I suggest you give it a shot.

At around 4PM…just as we were getting comfortable on the beach…every bar property on the sand started blasting techno music…loudly. This was how the nightlife began. Though a transvestite dancing on the bar platform for three hours did not get me particularly hyped, apparently the Europeans loved it.

After three hours of electronic bass, and one too many bannana hammocks, we showered and bought tickets to the local night club, where popular DJs TV Rock and Felix were playing that evening. We made it to Club Paradise at around 1 AM and would dance for nearly four hours.

It was here that we discovered Mykonos was especially popular for gay men to visit. At one point I was approached by a younger guy who said ‘I am not gay…but this is Mykonos.’ I politely responded, ‘This is Mykonos……..but I’m definitely not gay.’ He gave me the ‘no harm in asking’ look and moved on.

Drew and Lauren left about an hour before sunrise and I soon followed. I refused to triple up in their cabana because I am an absolutely wonderful friend. My accomadations…a sheet cover and a blowup raft that I had bought earlier that day. No tent…no sleeping bag…just me and the elements. Shockingly, I slept like a heavily sedated newborn infant.

I awoke to find the hot sun cooking my face and another camper staring at me. After waking up Drew and Lauren we went into the actual town for about three hours before returning to the beach. We each took turns floating around on my bed enjoying the peaceful atmosphere. Then…like clockwork…techno again…4PM…transvestites…the whole nine yards. At this point we had learned to embrace it and joined in the party.

How did my second night’s sleep go ? Well, Drew and Lauren, being the classy couple that they are, insisted that I join them in the honeymoon sweet which I did not argue with. Though waking up to Drew spooning me instead of Lauren was a bit disconcerting, the cabana provided a good night’s rest.

We paid for our sleeping arrangements and caught the shuttle to Mykonos Port. The raft came too. Drew, Lauren, and I then capped our romantic getaway with a six hour cruise back to Athens…most of which we slept. We then spent an hour wandering around the Athenian ghetto trying to find a bus stop just waiting to be stabbed by a homeless man or bitten by a stray dog…but we eventually figured it out.

After a good 6 hour rest in a budget hotel near the airport, we flew out to Istanbul. The lovers parted and it was back to just Drew and I, but we each left with wonderful memories of our time in Mykonos…techno and transvestites included.