Nothing is Free and Don't Try the Salad

Dearest Blog,

It has been awhile since I last wrote to you...but that hardly means that nothing interesting has happened. The disclaimer on this blog is that Egypt is famous for a few things...the Giza Pyramids, The Red Sea, and Traveler's diarrhea. Being the experienced tourist that I am, I went for the hat-trick. Lets talk about it.

An Egyptian driver with black teeth met us at the airport upon arrival and drove us directly to our hotel. Now, I had figured that 8 dollars a night was a bit cheap but its Cairo so I didnt think much of it. However, if I had to rate our accomodation on a soda scale (The Holiday Inn being a Coca-Cola Classic)...it was more like Diet Cherry Vanilla Safeway Brand Cola. No AC in a city that was a virtual steam-room and the hardest mattresses they could find.

Upon finding out that we needed to take an escort to the cash machine around the corner...Drew and I thought it would be a great idea to not stay in Cairo for the entire visit. Our first day was by far the most stressful. We began with a tour of Sakkara and the Step Pyramid of Zoser (the first pyramid ever built). It was here we realized a very important lesson that would help with the rest of our stay in Egypt...nothing is free. I snapped a photo of one of the pyramid guards posing with his assault rifle. He then asked for money. Try turning a man with a gun down.

We next began the trek towards the Giza Pyramids with several unplanned stops. Stop 1- burning heaps of trash on the side of the road stops traffic and shows us just how well Cairo runs its waste management program. Stop 2- a dead donkey on the side of the road is the Egyptian version of a fender bender and promotes significant rubbernecking. Stop 3- (my least favorite)...our driver stops at a carpet school and asks us to look around.


Remembering lesson number one (nothing is free) we were immediately turned off by our guide handing us over to another guy. "Free of Charge...just want you to understand how carpet schools in Egypt operate." Clearly we had not been itching to find out this well-kept secret but we took the tour anyway. Turns out the secret isn't that well-kept...they use children. "Look at how happy the children are to make something so special." Frown, Frown, Frown...all I saw was frowns. Naturally, upon seeing the faces we each bought small carpets that will most likely be regifted.

Next they took us to the papyrus factory...nothing is free...Drew and I quickly got wise and prematurely told the new guide that we were a waste of time. We walked back to the car and were taken to camel stables...but this was an activity we were willing to shell out extra for. We bought the full package...camel ride to each pyramid...ticket entry to the second pyramid and to the Sphinx temple and lastly a panoramic shot of the whole landscape.

A couple important notes...camel riding is very uncomfortable (3 hours of riding and my undercarriage was uncommonly tender for a week)...and we forgot sunscreen (Drew's skin tone is similar to that of Sean Patrick Flannery in the movie Powder). Lastly, the desert housing the Sphinx and Giza Pyramids is extremely warm...and we had no water.

We rode our camels through a backdoor passage to the desert area and were immediately encountered by people offering free welcome drinks. Though we got the picture...the group of 30 Chinese tourists in front of us (sadly a separate group) had no idea. Several of them took the offering only to be harrassed for money immediately after. But, we pressed on.

Our guide took us passed this group at which point we noticed there were 30 of them but only fifteen camels. If you do the math you will discover that this means they were doubled up...One of the most amusing sights that we had the privilege of viewing to that point. We passed them with apprehension but we needed to shift our focus to the only remaining Ancient Wonder of the World that was now before us (Dont worry...they'll be back).

Riding up to the pyramids is an indescribable feeling. It is a place everyone thinks they will get to at some point in their lives but the approach is still surreal. Before I get too serious...the moment was disturbed by a strange mumbled yelping coming from behind us...and we had to turn around and catch a glimpse.

Runaway Asian Tourist. A middle-aged Chinese guy had lost control of his horse (who gets a horse at the pyramids) and he had absolutely no idea how to stop it. He was doing a mixture of yelling and laughing knowing full well how ridiculous he looked. What could we do? Neither Drew nor I were experienced camel riders so we left it up to our guide to help...we videotaped it instead.

After wrangling the Chinese rider, our guide stepped up the pace and brought us up to the Kheops Pyramid. We bought admission to actually go inside the Pharoah's tomb and the heat immediately picked up when we started the hunched over descent into the burial chamber. If you are claustrophobic...this is something you should never do. We ran into a group of teenaged Muslim girls on the way who wanted to take pictures of our "nice faces." Sadly, since they were covered from head to toe, we could not return the compliment.

Hate to spoil it but, all that is inside the burial chamber is an empty room. We then travelled down to the Sphinx which offered choice photo-ops of the whole complex. Drew and I then remounted our camels and road up to take the panoramic shot from the highest nearby dune. We then tipped our guide and headed back to the stables on the double to catch a ride back to our hotel.

Sunburned and bruised below the belt, we got ourselves ready for the Nile dinner cruise that we had booked for that night, complete with belly dancing and a musical performance. The cruise itself turned out to be relatively budget. While the views were good at points, it is probably the Japanese doing the Macarena and the c-section scarred belly-dancer we will remember most.

Our extremely hectic day was capped off by catching a midnight van ride from our hotel to Dahab, a city on the Sinai peninsula renowned for its Red Sea diving. Yes...we took a van in Egypt...and yes...it was uncomfortable. The driver started off with the phrase "Guess I can't kill you guys because I forgot my knife...which really helped the nerves. After 8 hours, we pulled into the beach town of Dahab and napped in our new hostel room (a huge step up from the one in Cairo). We awoke two hours later to meet our driver for the Blue Hole, a popular snorkel spot among European travellers to this region.

The diving was absolutely unbelievable. The Blue Hole is a a circular coral opening that drops off 80 meters though it is only 6 meters away from the shoreline. Drew and I watched as professional freedivers dissapeared underwater for 4 minutes at a time holding their breath. Though we tried to do the same we could only get down about 20 feet before I got tired and Drew lost interest. Swimming around the Red Sea however still offered us some of our more memorable moments in Egypt.

The nature of the beast on these round the world trips is that we only had two days in Dahab...so we decided to make the most of our last. We rented ATVs from the travel agency next to the hostel and took them with a guide into the mountains. I did not understand how, while drew and I were dying from heatstroke, our guide was sporting jeans and a serious smoking habit. He took us to another snorkel spot and then to a Bedouin camp to have tea. This would've been the perfect memory to leave Dahab with...but there was still the matter of getting back to Cairo.

Public buses in Islamic countries....a few images come to mind. This was our ride back. We were also in such a hurry to catch this bus that we neglected to eat or grab water before the 10 hour back and forth ride to the capital city. To add to our troubles my stomach sounded like a lawnmower trying to start. (Note to everyone: do not eat salad in Egypt...do not...eat salad...in Egypt.). But at least we were able to spread out as the bus was relatively empty.

Oh wait...a local stop 10 minutes after we left filled the remaining seats up, and to my surprise there was someone in my actual assigned seat. Upon asking the driver he switched me to another seat...until another stop later when someone jumped on and claimed it from me. At last, the one remaining seat was next to an Australian guy who had been travelling by himself through Africa. Unfortunately, his reccuring knee problems required that we switched seats and I took the window.

Time to nap...the guy in front of me reclined all the way crushing my knees while the woman behind me jammed my seat back at me when I tried to recline it. Not to mention my stomach issues were getting worse and neither Drew nor I had had water or food all day. Do not eat salad in Egypt. Completely upright with crushed knees, I watched bad Egyptian cinema as Drew slept comfortably. The bathroom stall was occupied the entire trip which did not help matters, as I was both worried about what was going on in there and needed to use the toilet desperately.

8 hours in I was still sitting completely upright and in dire need of some water and/or a flashing WC vacant sign. Neither would come...but we did pass our Sinai border bomb inspection which was about as thorough as the security at a Miley Cyrus concert. I was in no way comforted...but my nerves turned out to be unfounded. We arrived back in Cairo and caught a cab to our dream of a hotel where our shower could've used a shower. We got as clean as we could and sat down to a decent sized meal and several liters of water.

For the first time in days I slept like a baby that night given the previous days' stresses. Drew and I awoke early for our visit to the Egyptian museum which houses most of the known artifacts of the Old and New Kingdoms. The most memorable exhibit was the Royal Mummy display of approximately 20 mummies found all over Egypt. We thought Lenin's body was a creepy sight until we saw bodies...thousands of years old that still had their skin. Ramesis II (he let Moses do his thing) was by far the most impressive...three-thousand years old still sporting an impressive grill and more hair than some people I know.

After a quick stop at Saladin's Citadel and the Mohammed Ali Mosque Drew and I were ready to get out of Egypt. We had seen some of the most unbelievable sights up to that point and had had a blast doing it. The pyramids were a personal favorite despite the constant threat of runaway Asians on horseback. Dahab as well was unforgettable from the snorkelling to the mountain four-wheeling. But the two most important takeaways..."nothing is free"....and "don't eat salad in Egypt"(I've been eating Immodium like Skittles). That is all for now blog. I'll write you again when I get a chance.

Forever Yours,

-Sean